When I go to church on Sundays I often return home with the inevitable headache. It’s not that I don’t like church, it’s actually a place I feel like I can sit, breath and reflect for a minute. But what I don’t like is large groups of people. I don’t do well chatting in large groups. I get anxious and I don’t know how to do the small talk thing. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to connect with people. I really enjoy making connections and building relationships, but I struggle to find that in big groups. So I think when the headache hits, it’s because I start to feel frustrated, lonely, and a total lack of belonging. When church is supposed to be a place for community, a place to belong when the rest of the world feels like it’s rejecting you. But my nerves and anxiety become an interruption of that connection.

But today, today I was taken aback, caught off guard by an assumption I was making. One of the most kind and loving members of our church, who seems so connected with everyone, was vulnerable and shared her struggle to feel a sense of belonging. To me I’ve always thought, why can’t I connect with people like she does, what is wrong with me?

Then I had a though. What if most people, maybe even all of us (if we were truly honest) feel like we don’t belong. I think we all struggle with that, whether it be teenagers in the hallways of their middle school, moms on the playground (me!), or even people in the midst of their own family. But maybe, maybe that’s because we don’t belong. If you are like me and believe in an after life, for me it’s heaven, maybe that is our true place of belonging. A place we can really call home, a place where we never question whether or not we belong, because we feel it inside of us. And this place here on earth, in these bodies, is temporary. It’s like being out of town, it’s nice here (at times), but it’s just not home.

So, what if we could recognize in each other that pain of not feeling like we belong, and help each other feel like we belong. Connect in our human-ness, in our pain. And I don’t mean by trying to fit in, not expecting others to conform to what’s cool or trendy. But really love each other. Not through compliments on looks, intelligence and achievements. But by sharing our stories of love and pain, and listening to the stories of love and pain from those around you. And respond with empathy and support. Raising one another up to feel like they belong, making space for you to feel like you belong. Until one day we return to that ultimate place of belonging. Where there isn’t a doubt or question. Let’s walk through this together.