One week from tomorrow my oldest is starting kindergarten, KINDERGARTEN?!?! Before I had children that seemed like no big deal and when he was born it seemed too far away to even think about. But my feelings and emotions are so intense, you’d think I was sending him off to college on the other side of the country. 

There is the huge part of me that wants to keep him home, to homeschool him, protected from the outside world so his little boy innocence will remain intact. But I know I would lose my mind if I kept him home. He is my child that has challenged me and pushed me in ways I haven’t been comfortable. He is that muscle you didn’t know you had until you did a new workout that brought a whole new meaning to the word “sore.” That muscle that isn’t very strong because it never got used. Well I have been using it the past 5 1/2 years and the muscle has grown stronger, but it still is a push to use. But using that muscle has taught me about humanity, grace and patience for him and me. 

I also know I can’t keep him home because I would be holding him back. He is such an amazing kid with so much going on in that brain, and when given the right setting, with good teachers and kind classmates (hopefully) he is going to shine. I’ve seen that the last two years during the time he spent with his preschool teacher. Kids need their parents, but there are also special people from outside the family that has helped him flourish. I also know there will be struggles, kids might be mean, embarrassing moments will happen, but I pray he will learn and grow through those struggles. And I pray there are adults watching out for him, and hopefully one good friend. Please Lord, just one GOOD friend.

This summer he has also brought me to believe that he is ready, ready for exploration to be on his own. He has matured in ways I never expected. One: he got over some major toilet fears (I won’t go into detail). Two: I watched him swim in the lake like a fish, out in the deep, jumping off docks, and boats like he’d been doing it his whole life. Three: He’s overcome so many other fears, climbing things he’s been afraid to climb, sliding down slides he wouldn’t go near, learning to ride a bike and requesting to join a soccer team. He has blown my mind this summer.

As much as my heart aches to seem him off, to not have him home and not know exactly what happened each moment of each day of his life, I know he is going to love it and blossom in ways we only have wait to find out.