Here’s the thing, I know family sessions are stressful. There is a lot going on. You’re worried about wardrobe, being on time, and the biggest one; your children’s behavior. They are often grumpy because they have to stop whatever monumental playtime they had going on and take pictures, wear something that is not as comfortable as the underwear and t-shirt they had been sporting and mom and dad are stressed max because their is still jelly on your face and your pants a wrinkled. Their wondering if they candy bribe is going to be worth this. No, I haven’t been to your house and watched you get ready. I know this because I have gotten my own family ready for photos shoots, I’ve watched my sister get her family ready for sessions and some of you tell me about the huge ordeal it took to get your family out the door. Yep, by the time you arrive at the location you’re ready to skip the photos because you’re thinking about putting your family up on craigslist (your spouse included). If you are saying, “yes this is me,” don’t worry, you are not alone.

But I have good news, it doesn’t have to go this way. After 3 years of photographing families I have picked up on a few things. I will say this, it won’t change the tasks you have to do, bribes may still be involved and children (and even husbands) may still be reluctant. But there is a shift, one thing that can change and it can make a world of difference. I didn’t realize how different it could be until I had a friend ask what she could do to make their experience more positive and enjoyable. I’m not sure if she felt that way, but the way the photos turned out it definitely showed on all of their faces. The three things I told her were: 1) Set really low expectations of your kids. 2) Be flexible. 3.) Engage with your kids and don’t worry about my camera.

Set Low Expectations

Kids feel the expectations, they feel the pressure. They feel it so much they are bound to crack. When I was a teacher I would put so much pressure on my students to behave for substitutes, they would often end up disappointing me, blowing it in some way. Even though they were doing their best. Kids feel our anxiety. Let them be kids. Just know, they may run from me, they may stick their tongue out at me, they may (and will) smile awkwardly. Just expect those things will happen and leave the high expectations for your photographer.

Be Flexible

Certain poses don’t work for kids, your child may want to be held the whole time, they may have a death grip on that ratty teddy bear. It’s a lot easier for adults to be flexible than for kids. And your photographer can be flexible as well. When you go with the flow, they’ll stick with you longer. When you move with your child and their quirks you have better opportunities to capture their little personality. The things you love about them most.

Engage with Your Kids and Not the Camera

Okay, so this is the big one. This is the one that will bring your photos home. This is what will make your session memorable and worth it. When kids feel noticed and they feel love, their joy shows. When parents are disengaged, kids check out quick. But when your time is used to be together, to play together, to snuggle, memories will be made and so will the most beautiful photos. When I think of my own family photos I don’t want my kids to look at our photos and think; “that’s when mama was grumpy and only cared about my smile.” I want them to think; “that’s when mama made me laugh, hugged me when I fell down, and made me feel important.” Family photos are about being the family that you are, not pretending to be some other family in a picture found on a Pottery Barn shelf. Show up, be YOU, and notice one another, and your photographer will do the rest.

Deep down, this is truly what I believe you can do to have the most positive and successful experience during your family photos.